And I thought I had nothing left to say...

I spent 10 years of my life in an abusive relationship. In August of 2002 I found myself laying helpless on the basement floor with my husband on top of me, strangling me, believing my life was about to end. There was no one to help me, no one to call out to, not even my loyal pit bull could save me, as she was safely locked in her pin just a foot or two away… going crazy trying to get out to protect me. And then I heard the screams. They came from above, from the basement stairs. They came from my son. He was 5… a few months shy of his 6th birthday. My son saved my life that night; something that neither one of us has never forgotten. It changed us both… forever.

It’s been 6 & ½ years now since that terrifying experience. My son & I now live on our own & have made huge steps to repair the damage done, but I fear there are some things that can never be fully repaired. A light went out in my child that night & he will never ever be the same again. I will never know who he could or would have been had he not experienced such trauma. I will forever carry with me a sense of shame & guilt for not better protecting him. For not leaving sooner. It’s not as though there was no warning. Hell, even my friends saw it… but they never said anything to me. Never told me of their fears.

Now I find myself on the outside looking in, as I watch a good friend enter – for the fourth time – into a relationship with a man who makes every hair on my body stand on end. He radiates this vibe of, “One day I’m gonna beat the shit outta this pretty little lady if she don’t keep herself in check.” Yeah. One of those. He’s the type that gives the word “redneck” a bad name. The full on white trash, beer guzzlin’, car racin’, slap my woman on the ass & she’d better have dinner ready & cold beer waitin’ kinda guy. And he’s slowly breakin’ one of the strongest women I’ve ever known.

My friend is a beautiful, intelligent, courageous woman who has faced down her own demons & come out on top time & time again. She has been kickin’ ass & takin’ names for as long as I’ve known her. Seeing her now giving in to this man & allowing him to treat her with such disrespect just makes me physically ill.

To the best of my knowledge he has not been physically abusive toward her, but I know in my heart that it’s only a matter of time. He fits the M.O. To a tee. Right now he is isolating her, making her dependent on him, telling her all of her friends hate him & how that’s so disrespectful to her & we’re leaving her out because we refuse to hang out with him. He’s setting her up to start questioning our loyalties. She needs someone close right now. She’s currently facing some very difficult things in her life & he is the one she is turning to because he is the one there all the time… leaving his clothes on the floor for her to wash, needing her to take care of him & feed him (making her feel useful & like he needs her as much as she needs him), & keeping her supplied with the cigarettes she can’t afford to buy.

I know that something has to be done. But what can I do? I can try to talk to her, but I’m not so sure she’ll listen… & that only feeds into his already established routine of isolating her from her friends because (as he will tell her) we are so selfish & don’t want her to be happy… with him. Were it just her, perhaps I would leave well enough alone & let her make her own mistake, but it’s not. She has a daughter. A willful, stubborn, strong daughter who doesn’t like to keep her mouth shut & speaks her own mind. Like mother, like daughter. He doesn’t like that. So he yells at the girl & has gone as far as to tell his own brother that he “can’t stand that kid.” I’ve seen him verbally assault her, while at my house months ago, & I told him in no uncertain terms that he would not speak that way to any kid in my house… especially one that wasn’t even his!

6 & ½ years ago I became a statistic, but it could have been worse. I could have been a fatal statistic. Could anyone have prevented it? I don’t really know. Can I prevent my friend from the same fate (or worse)? All I know is that I have to find a way to try…