I trace lines in my flesh
Marking time on my body
Releasing anger
Regaining control...


I can't seem to finish this. I keep trying, but can't finish it. I think I have lost my ability to write. Go figure. Comes with the territory these days. Am I truly destined to just grow ignorant & useless as I age? I'll be 34 in a couple of months. That doesn't seem old to me... but my mind & my body are trying to tell me otherwise.

I was supposed to be so much more. I was supposed to have accomplished something by now. All I have managed to do is rack up $40,000 in student loan debt & don't even have a damn degree to show for it. I feel like I'm going to be stuck working as a medical admin for the rest of my life &, although I know everyone thinks I sound pompous & stuck up when I say this... I'm better than that! Maybe that's not the right way to say it. I just mean that I was supposed to do so much more. I was supposed to be so much more. Sometimes I just feel like such a failure. Sometimes I feel like my fiance will regret marrying me. Why would he even want to marry me? What's here worth marrying?


This post has been brought to you by the magic of Dysthymia...